?

Log in

No account? Create an account

Previous Entry | Next Entry

And.....

OK, phew, the eulogy is written, printed out and now I have to read and re-read the stupid thing until the words don't hurt? 
(I used a big font to read thru the tears, braille eulogy training anyone?  If your eyes are closed or you couldn't see, would it hurt as much?  I see a business opportunity.  PATENTED :)   Wow that's a sure sign of punch drunk.  anyway....)

Unsure that the pain will stay or go away.  I'm treating it like the biking, pure raw repetition may help me overcome the visceral abhorence that she has passed away.   I wanted to have a line late that said she DESERVED the time to help her family grow up.  I removed it because it was too true.  32 with 4 kids, early teens to what like 6?  It's been an adventure.  I played great aunt to her daughters on the night they discovered she would die (she did less than 18 hours after they were told).  For once when the doc said 48 hours, he wasn't fibbing... he hit the nail on the head..... So far the kids are so busy it doesn' t seem to have hit, aside from blunt kid queries, you wouldn't know. While in the gift shop:  " Why do we have to go back to the rooom, wait you got a call.  Mom must be dead." (yes, I got that to which I replied, that i hoped not, but when Bruce met me at the elevator... well you can guess.)   Or last night when we selected her clothes... " Why would you dress a dead body."  (body was said much like the kid from UP when he said whew, I thought you were DEEEEaaadddd.)  Kara's Mom suggested Mommy wouldn't want to meet Elvis without clothes on. To which I replied well, really Mommy doesn't want to have half the town see her naked."  Followed by an explaination that we'd 'see' Mom again Monday.

 Hmmph, maybe now that the thing is written, maybe  can rest and stop going to sleep near 1230-1am and waking up at 330am.  Sleep has been at a premium... I don't want to get sick.  I have to do this, for Kara.   Here's a pic of us at Fenway. As I said when I found and sent it to her... "Here's lookin at you Kid."

I