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From late the day before my birthday: As I lay here, and stare tomorrow down, I realize I'm very lucky: friends, family and even my husband love me. Things don't suck, I won't die of old age in a little over an hour! However, I can't convey how oddly lost and dismayed I feel.

Wow what a drama queen I was. Maybe still am, who knows, regardless with the PMC a little over 3 weeks away... I need some serious Time in the saddle. Ha, the past week has been cruel: friends dad's back in hospital and.. You'll read soon enough.

I came home from vacation with a bruised rib, well that's my best guess. So little riding ;). Not long after morning coffee on out first morning back,we heard my SIL was in the hospital.( I'm pleased to report she's home again.) I could not hit the road that day... Rib, sil, exhaustion... Monday night after renewing my lapsed drivers license (thanks stupid bday), I rushed inside, threw my sport speaker on charge, I knew I could not do a ride in silence; motivation baby motivation and started prepping. Bag balm tushie, check, spandex on check... Then my dad called, my 42 ( only 2 year older) cousin passed away. Original story had nefarious incident at hospital, as family lore faded away, he may have died of an aneurism or clot. Regardless, nothing stuns you to silence like that. It hurt. Now you'd think since our 'family' unit is essentially dissolved, I would be ok, and since the funeral was in Mobile,AL I would not go.,, well I wasn't, and yea i went. See I'd had dinner months before with Wayne and Don. I joke it was like a lunch date with a prospectve lady love; you see, in our family family hurts, so you gotta watch it. Without truly knowing each other, it was easier to armor up and see how it went. We'd spent Zero social time around each other since I was what like what 8??? It went famously, and I thought ah ha someone who get's it. It= living, friends as family, and our family..how thrilled I was. In the way of life, we emailed online limittedly, but I was relishing seeing he and Don again. Maybe we could coordinate so we could have burgers at the Clover in new Orleans.

After the service, I can say Don and Wayne are loved. The support of friends was limitless. Our family to Don,well only Don knows, but I hope we gave him what he needs, and that he keeps in touch with his cuz & friend...

I look forward to restoring sanity to my brain shortly;). Well ok maybe after a stiff adult beverage of my choice. As I recoup, I will ride. I'll remember my young handsome cousin, his best friend (a cancer survivor), Don (leather pants?), and I'll recharge as I grind thru the miles.