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What to feel???

I  watched Biggest Loser last night and found myself very sad.  I do it quite frequently.  I wish it wasn't a guilty pleasure.  I have 2 brothers who would benefit from Biggest Loser, but as with every family.... there is strife and drama.  At one point I worked through a letter to the Biggest Loser.  They do so much and inspire so many I thought maybe they'd support my ride.  Unfortunately, I talked myself out of it.

Now a few years later, I was watching last night and O'Neal lost his brother Arthur to "cancer".  I do not know why, but I was blubbering.  He kept insisting he had not gotten to say good-bye.  I was thrust back in time to the point where my Grandpa Myrton passsed away.  It was unfair.  I had been out of Tech School (what comes after basic training to give you your skillset) for a while and continued training while I waited to go to the White House Communication's Agency.  Ahhh, it was a weird time, I was neither at my first base nor in training.  I'd planned to go home and see my family.  Grandpa was in the hospital... I called to say I was headed home in two weeks.  My Aunt told me he passed away that morning (hadn't my Mom told me)?  I felt so mortified and... I did not get to say good-bye.  My Grandpa had been an intermittent part of my life.  However since we'd moved back to my Mom's home town, I had seen him more in those 2 years.  I had connected with my family.  Sigh, I guess I didn't realize when I left home that home (and the people that entails) wouldn't be there anymore.  

Oh my goodness please stop me.  For some reason i hate many corporations who support Komen.  Maybe it's because it's pennies on the dollar.  Right now it's KFC and bucketsforthecure or something like that.  

I felt so insanely sad last night.  I ride because it makes me feel good to do this.  Awesome to support a cause.   It seemed odd to me that they didn't talk more about the cancer in order to setup the show.  I thought maybe his family was fractured like mine.  Then I realized it didn't matter, his brother was dead.  I wish I could let him know.  I posted to NBC, but wonder if it will filter up.  I think some of it is that Biggest has touched me (if they can lose the weight, I can ride), but then there was the cancer tie in.   Arghhhh.  

In the midst of life, a friend is losing hmmm her mentor (?) to cancer as well.  I know she's devastated, and that I was closer so I could just give her a hug.  It's odd, I used to know what to say... now I just muddle thru and hope she knows that I love her and will add BJ to my list of honorees. 
Ok, enough whining.

Comments

( 1 comment — Leave a comment )
voxacerbus
Apr. 22nd, 2010 01:31 am (UTC)
You always amaze me...
My mentor, my mother. Or at least the one who counts. Thank you for riding for BJ. It means the world to me. I understand your frustration with Komen. Let's get more organic, right?

Next year, my riding will be that way. Less about LLS and more about just fighting cancer. I <3 you sweetie.

Cat
( 1 comment — Leave a comment )

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